a loaded gun,

I hate to do this but it looks like I have to make a new tumblr.

Just to get a few certain people out of my life. You know who you are.

I decided to take a picture today.
Holy shit. This week really put me through a lot.
I mean… Drinking? Drugs? Not eating much? Eventful shit going on?
I need time off. I need to rest and spend time with my family.
I’ve been hanging out too much, having a little too much fun and it’s worn me out.
A shower would be really good right now.

I decided to take a picture today.

Holy shit. This week really put me through a lot.

I mean… Drinking? Drugs? Not eating much? Eventful shit going on?

I need time off. I need to rest and spend time with my family.

I’ve been hanging out too much, having a little too much fun and it’s worn me out.

A shower would be really good right now.

My eating has decreased so much lately that it got to the point where my best friend keeps reminding me to eat.

My usual response? I’m not hungry.

Most days I just don’t feel hungry and I know my weight is going down from eating little yet I’m not doing anything.

I just don’t care.

But it did bring a slap to my face when my grandmother exclaimed about how thin my face got.

And the day after putting my dog to sleep when my dad gave me $100 for groceries and told me to eat more.

And everytime my sister looked at me, she would tell me how she wishes she was as tiny as me.

I just wish people didn’t care so much about my appearance. I still eat everyday, but in really small amounts.

I’m not trying to starve myself.

I’m just not hungry.

So I did some things the other day I never thought I would ever do.

But then that’s the story of my life.

But this I’m living my own life for once. I’m doing what I want to do. Nobody is in the way.

Oh yeah. Dom. He’s not in the way anymore and at this point I’m pretty sure he hates me.

But I had to let him go. It was now or never. There are many reasons for my decision.

No, I’m not jumping into the self-destruction path. I know I’m drinking again but not excessively or often. And I may have done some drugs the other day but it was an once in a while thing.

I had numerous concerns coming from my mom and sister, because of my brother, but things are okay now.

I can’t wait to spend the holiday with my dad and the family in New Jersey. After that, I’ll spend the New Year with someone and it’s going to be great.

So basically my winter break is off to a good start.

I’m actually happy for once.

I’m feeling amazing.

Molly.

Hehe.

My pupils are huge as fuck.

And I feel so fresh from the shower.

And I’m loving my hair since it got curly.

Life’s good.

I’m feeling amazing.

Molly.

Hehe.

My pupils are huge as fuck.

And I feel so fresh from the shower.

And I’m loving my hair since it got curly.

Life’s good.

First time I started drinking, I blacked out and poured out my heart. My best friend took a video of me. I was appalled and surprised that I’d tell some of my thoughts in front of people.

Second time, I had one drink and didn’t even finish. Gave it to my roommate.

Third time, I had enough vodka but didn’t get wasted.

Fourth time, I had a little too much wine and whiskey, went to the gas station for ciggs and made it back safely.

Fifth time, I only had two shots, played beer pong and chilled with friends.

Am I drinking often? Am I blacking out everytime? Am I drinking excessively?

At this point, no. I’d go for half a bottle of anything. I could finish a gallon in two days. I could go for many shots/drinks. I wouldn’t mind drinking when I wake up.

But I’m not like that. I’ll drink whenever I want, but it won’t be out of control.

I’ve started drinking again.

Silence.

My dad knows.

But this time I don’t drink like I used to. I don’t drink until I black out. I don’t drink that often either.

So he’s okay with this.

But I’ve relapsed and that’s not good for me.

Then again I don’t really care anymore. I’ll live how I want to live.

Also, come this Friday I will have been stoned for three weeks straight.

Got a problem with that? Deal with it. I don’t care what people think. If you don’t like me drinking, smoking pot and cigarettes, that isn’t gonna stop me.

This is me. This is my life. I’m not afraid to be myself.